My God it is already May, we have been here in UK nearly 12 months now – its amazing how it does not seem so long since we left Australia . so to get on with my story………
A brief intro to my scary, scary night: My in-laws, have been walking the coast of Britain for a number of years and are now heading north doing Scotland.
So in February and March they invited my husband and me to come join them. Not so much to walk the coast we are no way fit enough to hike 10-15 miles a day, and not equipped (gear wise) to do it. But we were invited to share their accommodation . they booked 2 weeks in a 3 bedroom cottage . and we drove up and stayed 6 days 7 nights with a whole day dedicated to getting there and another whole day to driving back.
February week away Lake District (6hrs 30mins drive) stayed in a farm stay north west Lake District near a small village called Sandwith but close to the west coast near the St Bees Lighthouse we could see it from the cottage. Great place, explored the northern and coastal Lake District and whilst there we had snow falls so made for visiting the Lake District all the more special and we just loved the colder weather, also had heaps of sunshine so was all good I do love it up there
March week away Dumfries and Galloway, Scotland (7hrs drive) just over the border stayed in a beautiful new cottage (built in old style) in a very small village called Ruthwell also near the coast the Solway Firth. We were between Dumfries and Annan loads of Robert the Bruce history and loads of warring history between England and Scotland the energy there was heavy, sad, scary
so sad and heavy ……… I had a screaming nightmare
fast asleep I am being grabbed from my bed
pitch dark I am screaming
I am aware there is more than one stranger in the room fear for my life
still screaming my lungs out primordial scream
a tight grip…. I am paralysed…. I can’t move…. screaming fills my ear……..
aware of my husband kissing me and calling me Barb, Barb I love you .
this is the last goodbye…… I feel his love through my fear……
I am in total fear . cant believe this is happening to us we are going to die .
this is definitely the end of my life…… our lives…..
cant believe it . still screaming my lungs out .
OMG . how can this be happening to us, here and now ..
in present day………. it feels so …. old, dated…. like a past occurring in the present….
still screaming . a gurgling scream ..
the grip tightens…. I can’t shake it off….
finally I wake ..
my husband is holding me . he is totally freaked out by my screaming .
and the inability to wake me……
absolutely terrifying I am trembling, cold….
turn on the light, turn on the light…..
deep breathes, tears, and I explain the dream .
he is shattered .. because he couldnt wake me ..
we lie there in each others arms . lights on .
takes about two hours to calm down…..
I am afraid to sleep….. they might come back……
it keeps playing over, and over in my mind…..
calm, peace, love … help me find peace ……..and finally sleep
lights left on for the rest of the night .
did not want to be in dark room .
this dream occurred just after midnight .
really shook me . and freaked me out…
it’s been a while since the last scary experience….
did not want to do any historical sightseeing that day
not a good memory . still shudder when I think about it ..
yes surrounded myself with a protective blue circle after that and filled it with love.
It’s a wonder I manage to get to sleep at night……… but somehow I manage to put this memory aside………..
Until last night………… I was being held down by my arms………..
the weight, the strength….. it would not release me…….. I am calling out … let me go! let me go!
I can’t roll over onto my back…….. the pressure is increasing……
release me! release me!
my husband wakes…… this time he does not touch me…. not wanting to add to the fear……..
I become aware of his movement towards me….. call his name, help me! help me! get it off!
the pressure is released……. I wake…… I am freaking out here…..
what is it? why do these things visit me?
I wonder where they come from?
What can I do about it?
It’s amazing I can still manage to lead a normal life…… and don’t end up in an asylum……..